My assignment for Fiction Writing this term is Fantasy. I should be doing really well on this one. But I’m not. I’ve written the first 400 words and would appreciate you looking over it and giving some feedback. For this section I was aiming for a slow building pace, with a quicker pace for the rest. Thanks in advance.
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I kept on looking up at the clock. Still had nine hours before the exam, so there was time. Didn’t need that much sleep, anyway. The page on the computer never seemed to end, and when it did there was the next button. I’d read it before, but I kept on going over and over. I stopped reading, thinking that someone had called my name. It sounded like my mum, but it couldn’t have been. I was staying at dad’s house that night. I paused the music and listened. Nothing but the faint snoring from dad’s room. The music continued and my eyes carried on scanning the screen. A few moments later I heard it again, as if it was etched into the background of the music. Playing it again proved it was in my imagination. Just as I clicked the next button again I heard it. It was louder that time. I stopped the music. I heard it again. Sounded like it was coming from the window. Again. I stood up and walked over. Opened the blind. Across the street was a small floating orb. I was called again and then it disappeared.
Something took over me and I left the house. I’d slipped on my shoes, crossed the road and stood where the orb had floated. The street was silent. I heard someone whistling to the right. I turned and followed. Between two houses was an alley. The whistling was louder. I walked down the alley. I wasn’t completely sure why, but I needed to know what was calling me. At the end of the alley was a small path leading behind the houses in both directions. In front of me was a fence, small hill and a motorway. I could see cars speeding past, but they didn’t make a sound. The whistling was coming from the right. I followed. The path carried on beyond the row of houses. A small underpass and then a field. The path stretched out to the right, leading to more houses. The whistling had stopped, but I knew that I had to leave the path and follow the edge of the field. Soon a tree came into sight, and I knew where I needed to go. The branches were hanging low, creating a small private pocket. I brushed on of the branches and ducked inside. My mum was sitting in the middle of the small area, legs crossed and eyes closed.
Thanks for reading,
Ashley
Ashley Manning 
Maybe this will help a bit…I kept looking up at the clock. There was still nine hours before the exam, so there was time but it didn’t stop me constantly looking at the clock. I probably didn’t need that much sleep, anyway. The page on the computer never seemed to end, words blurred and when the page ended I clicked the next button. Of course I’d read this before, but I kept on going over and over it. I stopped reading, thinking that someone had called my name, I stopped reading and paused the music. It sounded like my mum, but it couldn’t have been. I was staying at dad’s house that night. I paused the music and listened. Listening intently I could hear nothing but my dad’s snoring from his room next door. The music resumed and my eyes carried on scanning the screen. A few moments later I heard it again, as if it was etched into the background of the music. Repeating the same piece of music again proved it was in my imagination. Just as I clicked the next button again I heard it. It was louder that time. I stopped the music and heard it again. Sounded like it was coming from the window. I stood up and walked over to the window and opened the blind. Across the street was a small floating orb. My name was called again and then the orb disappeared.
Something took me over and I was compelled to leave the house. I’d slipped on my shoes, crossed the road and stood where the orb had floated. The street was silent. I heard someone whistling to my right. I turned and followed the noise. Between two houses was an alley. The whistling was louder calling me to follow it . I walked down the alley. I wasn’t completely sure why, but I needed to know what was calling me. At the end of the alley was a small path leading behind the houses in both directions. In front of me was a fence, a small hill and a motorway. I could see cars speeding past, but eerily they didn’t make a sound. The whistling was coming from the right. I followed. The path carried on beyond the row of houses, a small underpass and then a field. The path stretched out to the right, leading to more houses. The whistling had stopped, but I knew I had to leave the path and follow the edge of the field. Soon a large single tree came into sight, and I knew where I needed to go. The branches were hanging low, creating a small private pocket. I brushed one of the branches and ducked inside. My mum was sitting in the middle of the small area, legs crossed and eyes closed.
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Thanks. Helps a lot.
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Glad it does…I didn’t want to offend you.
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No need to worry about that. I posted it looking for help. I appreciate it.
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