I can’t believe how long it’s been between part three and four of the story Eyes of the Architects. I didn’t mean it to be so long, but I’m not happy with the ending. I kept on pushing it back and pushing it back, when I should have just uploaded it. I kept on wanting to go back, and change things. But I never came up with a better ending. Chapter Four was written before I uploaded the first part, oh so long ago. I’m still not happy with it, but I’ve gotten to a point where I need to be more active with my writing. I need to start taking it seriously. I know deep down that I’m probably never going to be happy with it, and maybe no one will like the ending. But at the same time I’m in no rush to go back to it, and if I leave everything in saved documents never to be opened again then I will achieve nothing.
I am a writer. Not an aspiring writer, even if no one reads this or anything else I’m going to ever write. I just need to write. Sometimes it’s difficult to actually put words on the screen. Days, weeks, even months go by with nothing. But it’s nagging away at me all the time. A dark feeling telling me I need to do more. Maybe I’m scared of rejection, and deep down knowing I’m not as good as I’d like to be. But at the same time, it’s now or never. That is the end of it. I’m a writer, whether you like it or not.
Yesterday was a turning point. I was at work, in the bright sunshine (A rare commodity) and it just hit me. A wave of nostalgia, and inspiration. Maybe it was the sunlight, or maybe a song sparked the memories. But all of a sudden I was five years in the past, just before university, reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream in my Dad’s living room. The mostly crappy experience of university was in front of me, and at the time I believed it was the beginning of great things. In some way I remembered that I actually like and enjoy reading. Something I’ve recently had to force myself to do. I enjoy writing, even though it’s a struggle most days.
It’s time to say no to whatever is holding me back. Maybe no one will ever read anything, or they will just laugh at me. But at least I’m going to do it. I have plans for this blog. Plans that have been a long time coming, but I’ve started taking steps towards them. They will start soon, but I will make another post outlining them soon.
I don’t expect people to read this, it’s me just putting thoughts into words. It’s more for my benefit than to be read by others I suppose, but if you have, thank you.