Ashley Manning

Sally found that the washing up had already been done when she went into the kitchen, even though she vividly remembered that she’d left the morning dishes on the side. She later found out that was Chris’s mum who’d done that. She spent most of the afternoon that first day just pottering around the house, doing little things that didn’t really need doing and trying to think about bigger things that needed doing. Around three o’clock the phone rang.

“Sally?” the voice on the side said, sounding shaky and worried.

“Hi mum,” Sally replied.

“I heard that you’ve back home now. You should have said something I would have come round. Do you want me to come now?”

“You can come later if you want to? I just wanted to be by myself for a little while.”

“I understand that. I’ll get your dad to pick up some food and we’ll come round later. I don’t want you to feel like you’re by yourself.”

Sally thought that the best way to ensure that she felt alone was to say that the only reason she was to make it sound like an obligation to come round, not because she wanted to. The thought of eating almost made her cancel the visit there and then.

“Thank you. I appreciate that,” she said instead.

“Is everything sorted for the funeral?”

Straight to it mum, no build up to that?

“Yes, I think so. Joyce has been handling it.”

“And they’re helping pay for it? If you need any money just let me know.”

“Jesus, mum.”

“What?”

“I don’t really want to think about money right now. I’ll sort it.”

“I know you don’t want to think about it, but you have to sweetie. It’s going to be difficult to adjust. Have you told your bank about it so they can freeze the mortgage?”

“Yes, mum. Yes. I’ve done all that. I did it in the hospital when you brought in the forms. I still have other things to do, but the mortgage is frozen.”

Sally had to fight the urge to put the phone down. She was grateful that at least later her dad would stop any talk about money. She couldn’t believe it was the first thing her mum thought about.

“That’s good. I’m sorry, I know it’s not right, but you must think about the future. Now more than ever.”

“I know mum. I’m just.”

“I know dear. I know. I’m so sorry that this happened to you.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you later, alright. About six? I’ve got somethings that I want to do beforehand.”

Sally hung up the phone before her mum replied and dropped it to the sofa. She dropped her head to her hands and started crying again. On her shoulder she felt something, like a hand. It felt warm and comforting. She turned and saw Chris sitting next to her. He was blurry through the tears, but she was sure he was speaking to her. There wasn’t any sound coming from his mouth. His grip on Sally’s shoulder grew tighter until it started to hurt. Sally cried out in pain and tried to move away but couldn’t. She couldn’t shake his hand off.

“What’s happening?” she cried out. “Please let me go.”

He was just starring at her intently, making eye contact the entire time. Then he faded and disappeared completely. She could move again, but there was still pain in her shoulder from where he’d grabbed her. She was completely frozen to the sofa, unable to move, speak or even think. Her body felt like jelly, adrenaline pulsating.

Slowly, Sally pulled herself to her feet and walked to the hallway mirror, looking to see if there was a mark on her shoulders. She could still feel the pain, but wanted to make sure it was there. Very clearly, was the red marks that his hand had left. She fell backwards against the wall, holding herself up and breathing deeply. What’s going on, she thought. Was it real? It couldn’t be, surely. It couldn’t be real at all, but it wasn’t in her mind either. It hurt too much to be imaginary.

Her first thought was to call Laila and tell her what happened, but she could already hear the conversation in her head. Laila would say that she was struggling with what’s happened. It’s completely understandable and she didn’t need to worry about it. It would be instant dismissal and that isn’t something she could put up with, not then.

There was a loud crash from upstairs. Sally turned and straightened herself up. She swore in her mind and then headed towards the stairs, while wiping the last remnants of tears away from her eyes as she did.

In Chris’s old office, the one he used to start his designs, the big display board with what he’d been working on recently had fallen off the wall, paper had flown everywhere, and it was all a mess. It had been hanging there for years, without anything happening, screwed in tightly to the wall. The one time that Chris had used a drill in the house and hadn’t just left it for Sally to figure out. There was no way that it would just fall randomly.

As Sally started picking up the sheets of paper, collating them into a rough pile, she noticed that the board itself had a large crack running right through the middle. He would have been so mad if he’d seen that, she thought. Then she remembered how much she used to love looking through his designs. He had such a keen eye for landscapes and making things look so pretty. He was currently designing a playground for a local school, nothing fancy, just simple and elegant. Maybe the school would want the papers, Sally thought as the last one was collected.

To be continued!

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From the outside Sally’s house looked almost identical to how she remembered seeing it. The grass was a little unkempt, and it was strange to not see a car in the driveway, but it all looked normal. Someone had been in the house almost every day while she was in hospital, tidying letters or throwing away expired food, but she couldn’t tell from the outside.

As Satish pulled the car onto the driveway, Sally could feel her heart getting faster and faster.

“Do you want me to come in with you,” Laila asked.

“No, thank you. I’ll go by myself. Thank you for everything though.”

With each step, Sally was sure she was going to fall on her way to the house. With slow deep breaths, she took one step at a time. The warmth from the sun beating down on her, the sound of birds echoing through the trees, and the house stretched out into the distance. The path grew longer and windier with each step. The sounds of the outside world dwindled as she got closer to the house. It loomed over her, blocking out the sun. Her hand was shaking as she raised the key to the door.

The house was cold and dark inside. None of the curtains had been opened. Sally thought everything was just too still. She walked into the living room and opened the large curtains to look through the window that looked out to the front of the house. She could see Satish and Laila sitting in their car close to the driveway, talking to each other. Probably discussing whether she’d be alright or not, Sally thought. She knew it came from a place of love, but it still annoyed her that they were babying her. She turned around and noticed a stack of mail on the coffee table, that other people had collected for her. Straight away the fishing magazine that Chris subscribed to stood out. She went over and picked it up, the pile of letters falling to the side as she did. He would never see this issue, she thought and collapsed backwards into the seat. If it wasn’t there, she probably still would have fallen. She held it tightly, the wrapping noisily twisting as she did.

Even though the house was empty, she could feel Chris everywhere. His face was smiling from the pictures on the wall. He looked smart in his wedding suit, and silly in a Halloween costume. His jacket was hanging over the back of the kitchen chair, and not on a hook even though she would ask him to put it on the hook every time and she couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t just do it. Instinctively she went to move the jacket from the chair, but the thought of never finding it there again stopped her and she left it. His half-finished book was left on the table next to the sofa, complete with a bookmark that wouldn’t progress further into the sci-fi novel that Sally couldn’t care about. She could see the pages darkened where he had held it while eating crisps.

As she walked upstairs each creak of the stair was familiar, and she could hear the echo of him following her up them. The bathroom was scattered with half finished bottles of shampoo, soap, and shaving gel that would never get used up. She pushed them into the corner, not wanting to see them close to her toiletries. The bed hadn’t been made from the last morning they’d gotten up in a hurry to go to a farmer’s market, the quilt rough and thrown about. His socks from the day before still balled up at the end of the bed. She picked them up and threw them into the hamper, wishing he’d done it just that once.

Sally had expected to spend most of the day crying and in bed, but after walking around the house, she just didn’t have the tears left. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. It felt like a different room, like she’d never been there before, even though she was the one who had painted it with Chris. They’d done it the first day after moving into the house, painted it a light blue colour and had a laugh while doing it. If she moved the chair in the corner, then the stained carpet where she’d knocked over a paint can would still be there. Like if she lifted one of the pictures hanging on the wall there would be the hole that was in slightly the wrong place, so they had to drill again so all the pictures were lined up perfectly. She could imagine every nook and cranny of the room, but it still felt strange and unwelcoming. The idea of lying down didn’t last long and she stood up to go and start on something else.

That tickle at the back of her throat turned into a coughing fit and she doubled over in pain, tears forcing their way out of her eyes as she coughed and coughed. She was sure her bruised sides were about to burst, but she couldn’t stop. Once it passed, she looked up and caught the mirror in the corner of the room on top of her dresser and saw him there. Chris, standing right behind her and smiling at her. She turned, and wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t there, but when she returned her eyes to the mirror he was still there, but he wasn’t smiling anymore. She’d seen that look in his eyes before. He was angry.

“Oh, God,” she said, falling to her knees. “What’s wrong?”                

Her head hung low and when she looked up Chris wasn’t there anymore. In the mirror it was just her, alone in the bedroom.

To be continued…

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